Complaining is one of the most deeply ingrained of all human traits. The biblical story tells us that the first man Adam and his wife Eve both complained immediately something went wrong (Genesis 3:11–13) and we humans can always find something to complain about – as is often said: we pray for rain then complain about the mud, our cup runs over and we complain about the size of the cup we were given!
We all complain at times, and the Bible shows that even some of its greatest heroes and servants of God occasionally fell into this problem, but the Bible is also full of examples and instructions to guide us away from this kind of attitude. This may be seen in the Old Testament stories of ancient Israel’s wanderings in the wilderness – the Israelites complained about the amount of water they had (Exodus 15), the amount of food (Exodus 16), and even the kind of food they were given (Numbers 11). In the New Testament, the apostle Paul tells us “We should not test the Lord, as some of them did … And do not grumble, as some of them did … These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us” (1 Corinthians 10:9–11). Elsewhere, Paul tells us explicitly “Do everything without complaining or arguing” (Philippians 2:14).
This biblical rejection of fault-finding is because in complaining, sooner or later, we invariably harm ourselves – and often others as well (complaining has been called the world’s oldest communicable disease for good reason). Complaining also easily turns to bitterness which can be spiritually deadly as many scriptures show (Hebrews 12:15; etc.). But even in its “milder” forms, complaining can be a failure to acknowledge God’s sovereignty in all situations, and his ability to make all things work for the best if we let him.
So how do we avoid the all-too-common failing of criticism? There are four simple things we can do that can turn a complaining attitude into a contented one:
1. Keep perspective: Contentment often only comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have and begin to appreciate the troubles we don’t have. We may see the truth behind the old proverb that tells us “I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet,” yet it is often hard to relate this to our own situations. As Christians, however, we have an additional reason to keep a more positive perspective in that we can choose to trust God to bring good out of even the negative things that happen in our lives (Romans 8:28).
2. Focus on something better: Psychologists know that we can only put negative thoughts and criticisms out of our own minds by replacing them with more positive things. The poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have written “Don’t … bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.” The apostle Paul said it even more clearly when he wrote: “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
3. Confront the problem: We often complain to others about problems or situations we are not happy about, but don’t take it to the person or people with whom we are discontented. If the situation is not one we can simply put out of our minds as insignificant, we should often follow the principle behind the biblical commands found in both the Old and New Testaments: “Do not nurse hatred in your heart … Confront people directly so you will not be held guilty for their sin” (Leviticus 19:17) “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” (Matthew 18:15).
4. Pray about it: Rather than an “if all else fails” approach, we should often pray first about things we are unhappy enough to complain about. We may try to do what we can to avoid the problem, but if we find ourselves complaining to others – or just to ourselves – and the situation is not one we can practically take to the cause of the problem, we should switch gears and complain to God. The Bible shows God is perfectly willing to hear our concerns (Psalm 142:1–2 ) and asking his help is always the right thing to do. God does not tell us not to complain to ourselves and others without leaving us a way of help. Sometimes, all we have to do is ask for it.
Simple but effective
These four steps may seem absolutely basic – and they are – but the problem is not that they do not work for being so simple, it is with us when we do not utilize them. But once we recognize complaining in ourselves we can reject it and begin to think and speak in a more uplifting way. In his final imprisonment, the apostle Paul had perhaps as many reasons to complain about things as anyone – he was unjustly accused, badly treated, and about to be executed though he had done no wrong. Yet in his letter to the Philippians, written at that time, Paul tells us:
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life” (Philippians 2:14–15).
Paul’s inspiring words remind us all that whatever our circumstances we should not complain and that in not complaining we truly let our light shine in showing those around us that we who have the truth of God have nothing to complain about.
