Are You Confusing Trust with Forgiveness?

Are You Confusing Trust with Forgiveness?

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​Everyone understands that trust and forgiveness are different things, yet it is easy to confuse them in actual life. Sometimes people feel that trust is part of forgiveness and that they must trust those they forgive.

In other situations people feel that although they should forgive, they do not ever need to trust the person again.

Both of these extremes can be wrong.  We always have to forgive, but we do not have to trust those who hurt us and show no sign they are sorry.  On the other hand, once we have forgiven we should strive to allow trust to be rebuilt whenever possible.  The difference lies in the fact that forgiving someone who has wronged us is our responsibility; reestablishing trust is most often the responsibility of the person who wronged us.

In real life, people get hurt repeatedly –  that fact was the basis for Peter’s question to Jesus: “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). The problem is a very real one because humanly, repeated wrongs done against us can make forgiveness progressively harder. That is why Peter suggested we only forgive up to seven times –  a “manageable” number of wrongdoings.   Jesus’ answer, of course, was that we must not put a limit on the number of times we forgive someone (Matthew 18:22).  But his answer has no application to staying in a situation where we would continue to get hurt if that is avoidable.  Nor does it mean that we should trust the wrongdoer if it would be unwise or dangerous to do so. Remember again the Scripture’s counsel: “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”  This clear wisdom is expounded twice in the Bible (Proverbs 22:3; 27:12) for a reason. 
 
Not understanding these basic truths prevents many people from restoring relations after forgiving those who have hurt them and causes many others to suffer unnecessarily when they do. In his book The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren says: “Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior.”  Warren is surely correct in this, for while forgiving must be immediate on our part, trust must be rebuilt over time and depends on the behavior of the one forgiven. As Warren puts it, trust requires a track record: “If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately…” Our forgiveness of others must always be unconditional, but our trust of others can and often should be conditional – it has to be earned.
 
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to see change in the other person in order to forgive them – that would be an entirely wrong approach. We must forgive whether an individual changes or not. But we need not trust them if they have not changed. Trust develops slowly – and it must be remade over time.  Think of the example of Jesus asking Peter three times, “do you love me?” (John 21:15-17) after Peter’s betrayal. Peter had failed Jesus three times, of course (John 18:15-27), and perhaps there is a lesson in Christ’s repeated questions that we should see recurrent or ongoing evidence of change before we fully trust again. 

A simple analogy is that being hurt by another is like receiving a cut to our body.  Forgiving the person acts like the stitches that close our wound, but spiritual and emotional healing, just like physical healing, still require time. Even when we fully understand the difference between granting forgiveness and trust, we must always remember that allowing time for trust to be repaired does not mean allowing ourselves a period of time to brood, feel sorry for ourselves, or to allow resentment or anger to continue to develop. That would be like allowing an infection to take hold in the cut that should be healing. Granting ourselves time to trust again should always be based on our complete and unhindered forgiveness of the other person –  that is the only way we will, in fact, heal. 
  
We should always be open to allowing trust to be rebuilt whenever this is possible. Forgiveness is a possession we all have that we are able to give to others. But trust is not a possession, it is a process that we allow to develop once our forgiving makes trust possible again.

* Exerpted from our new free e-book How to Forgive. You can download a copy here.


Context is Everything

Context is Everything

PicturePhoto of clouds and hillside looks upside down until we realize the context – that we are seeing a reflection in a mountain lake.

​Everyone who begins to study the Bible eventually learns that context is of the greatest importance in understanding the message of a given verse or passage. But although we may all come to recognize and hopefully remember this fact in our study, how often do we utilize the principle of context in other aspects of our Christian lives –  in our behavior?

An Old Testament example often given of this principle is that of Moses striking the rock, as God instructed him, to produce water for the Israelites in the wilderness (Exodus 17:6; Numbers 20:8-12).  The first time Moses struck the rock was in obedience to God’s instruction, but the following blows seem to have not been commanded and the situation changed immediately. An action that was in obedience to God in one context became one of disobedience when the context changed.

Consideration of context in our behavior applies just as much today as it did in this Old Testament example.  Christians understand, of course, that many Old Testament injunctions such as the command to sacrifice an animal if one sins were laws given to the physical nation of Israel under the Old Covenant. Such commands applied in full force at that time –  to the people to whom they were given –  but the New Testament makes it clear that Christ fulfilled many of those laws and they do not apply to Christians today (Hebrews 10:10, etc.).

But beyond this obvious example, there are many other instances where context affects both if and how we keep various biblical instructions.  Consider a few small examples:

1) Although we are told to bear with and overlook the failings of others (Proverbs 19:11, Romans 15:1, etc.), we are also commanded never to tolerate or overlook our own failings (James 4:7-10, 1 John 1:6-9, etc.).  Overlooking problems is biblical in the one context, but not in the other!

2) Some New Testament commands have in mind the context of the Church while others apply to our relationships with people outside the Church or to all people.  A very basic example of this is found in what Paul instructs us regarding teaching and admonishing one another (Romans 15:14) and speaking to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19).  Looking at the context of these instructions, we find that it is one of interacting with fellow believers – not instructing or quoting scriptures or hymns to every stranger we meet!

3) A more subtle example is that of the command to confess our sins to one another (James 5:15-16). While this principle clearly applies only within the context of the Church (as we can see by reading the passage in which the command occurs), it also has a more specialized context.  The indiscriminate confessing of our sins to any or all our spiritual brothers and sisters would not only be unwise, but could be hurtful to those who do not need to know our sins. The specific context of James’s instruction seems to be one in which a believer has not only sinned, but who also is sick.  Perhaps the sin and the illness are connected (Psalm 32:3-4; 1 Corinthians 11:30, etc.), but in any event the command to confess our sins is “…so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).  There are times when confession may also be valuable and proper in the context of accountability discussions with trusted spiritual friends and advisors, but the context should always be one that is chosen with wisdom and care.

4) The New Testament repeatedly tells us that we should pray for one another (1 Timothy 2:1, Ephesians 6:18, James 5:16, etc.), but the apostle John makes it clear that there are some situations in which we should perhaps not pray for others: “If you see any brother or sister commit a sin that does not lead to death, you should pray and God will give them life. I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death. There is a sin that leads to death. I am not saying that you should pray about that” (1 John 5:16).  The “sin that leads to death” is probably one of the continuous willful sins of those who adamantly reject God.  But we should notice that John does not say we must not pray for such individuals, just that he is not saying we need to do so. The apostle is simply showing that context affects our prayers, too. 

In these few examples we see some vital patterns. We must always discern the context of any biblical command. Was it clearly one applying in the past only or one that applies now? Does the command apply to our behavior toward ourselves or to others? Does the command apply only to our relationship with those within the Church or to all people?  Does the instruction apply in all situations or only in specific ones?  Is the instruction actually a command or simply a counsel?

As Christians we must always remember that context in understanding and application are equally vital –  the importance of context applies just as much when we are deciding how to apply a scripture in our lives as it does to understanding what the scripture is saying!


Jumping to Conclusions

Jumping to Conclusions

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An old joke says that the only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, but assuming the worst of situations and people is a problem we are all guilty of at times – sometimes all too frequently. 

Not surprisingly, the Bible has a good deal to teach us about this tendency and why we need to overcome it.  Proverbs 25:8 is a good example.  The Message Bible translates this verse as: “Don’t jump to conclusions – there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.” That may not be a literal translation of the Hebrew proverb, but it does show a principle we must all keep in mind.

Just as important as this kind of direct instruction are the many biblical stories that show the folly of jumping to conclusions.  One of the clearest is that of the Syrian general Naaman who was afflicted with leprosy and who travelled from ancient Aram (Syria) to Israel to ask the prophet Elisha to pray for his healing. Second Kings 5 tells this story and shows repeated examples of people in responsible positions jumping to unwarranted conclusions. 

First we see that the king of Aram sent a letter to Israel’s king on behalf of his general, asking help in Naaman’s healing.  As many of us might have done, the Israelite king immediately began to jump to conclusions –  going into to a “jump to hyperspace” within a few seconds: “As soon as the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his robes and said, ‘Am I God? Can I kill and bring back to life? Why does this fellow send someone to me to be cured of his leprosy? See how he is trying to pick a quarrel with me!” (2 Kings 5:7).

Fortunately, the prophet Elisha was aware of the situation and arranged for Naaman to come to him. “So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, ‘Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed’” (vss. 9-10).

While that may sound like a positive ending to the story, the human tendency to jump to conclusions came into play again –  almost wrecking the outcome of the situation:

But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not … the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage (vss. 11-12).
We can almost hear Naaman saying this –  and perhaps hear our own thoughts if we had been in the same situation: “What a waste of time!  I came all this way to ask for help and this guy just brushes me off. Who does he think he is anyway?  It looks like I’m not good enough for him – probably he’s biased against Syrians!”

Naaman almost returned to Syria, but fortunately one of his servants persuaded him to just do what he was told to do and the general was indeed healed when he washed himself in the Jordan as instructed (vs. 14).  But this story shows that assuming the worst almost led to Naaman not being healed when he was given the opportunity, and at an even broader level to war between Israel and Syria. 

In another biblical example ancient Israel came precipitously close to civil war because many of the Israelites assumed that an altar built by some of their tribes was in rebellion against God (Joshua 22:9-34).

So rushing to judgment and jumping to conclusions is dangerous. And the problem of jumping to conclusions is often broader than we may think. Other biblical stories show the many ways we can make unfounded assumptions –  such as assuming the worst because of people’s appearances, or because of what they say or do.  We may end up wrongfully judging people because we assume their motives, or assume something they say is critical of us. Spiritually, we may assume a principle we have not heard before is not true, or we may assume that specific Bible verses or teachings about them don’t apply to us – but perhaps to someone we know.  Perhaps the most damaging way we can assume the worst is by jumping to conclusions about God.

The New Testament shows that many of those who saw Jesus teach and perform miracles jumped to erroneous conclusions. Some thought he was unrighteous in what he did (John 10:33-36), others thought he was mad or demon possessed (John 10:20). Some just presumed that “no good thing” could come out of Nazareth –  Jesus’ home town (John 1:46).  Although we may not think such reactions apply to us, we can assume the worst of God when things do not go well. We think that perhaps God is angry with us, punishing us, does not care about us –  these are all human reactions we may experience at times if we allow ourselves to assume the worst.

Some of us may be more prone to this fault than others, but ultimately we must all work on not jumping to conclusions.  The legal principle of “innocent until proven guilty” has saved many innocent lives, and the principle of assuming the best until we have reason to think otherwise has saved many friendships, marriages and other relationships.  It’s a sound biblical principle we can apply any and every day of our lives. By all means jump to exercise, but don’t jump to conclusions. 


Seeing Double

Seeing Double


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ave you ever thought about how the Bible emphasizes many of its important points? Of course, the original writers of the Scriptures could not utilize large print, highlighting or colored ink. Instead, they utilized techniques that were easily recognizable to those who read or heard their words.

One of the main ways the biblical writers emphasized important points was through repetition –  utilizing what is called “reduplication for emphasis or intensification” –  in what they wrote.  This is not talking about repetition of the same things, such as the Ten Commandments,  in different parts of the Bible, though that is clearly often done to emphasize something’s importance.

Reduplication for emphasis or intensification applies to repetition occurring in the same verses or passages of scripture.  This is common in the Old Testament because the Hebrew language  often uses repetition in this way in order to stress something that is being said.  For example:  “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt to be your God. I am the Lord your God” (Numbers 15:41, emphasis added here and in the following scriptures), or “…Then he will bring out the capstone to shouts of ‘God bless it! God bless it!’” (Zechariah 4:7).
 
This kind of repetition is easy to see and to understand, but there are other times when the reduplication is not so obvious. Hebrew storytellers often used the technique in stressing important elements of their accounts.  If we look at the story of Joseph, for example, we may notice repetition but not think about its significance: Joseph receives two robes (one from his father, one from Pharaoh); his robe is used twice by those trying to destroy him; Joseph has two dreams in which his family bows to him; Pharaoh has two dreams foreshadowing the coming famine in Egypt; Joseph’s brothers make two visits to Egypt to seek his help; and so on.

The reduplication does not mean that the two events are not both part of the story, but that they are carefully selected to make the story’s main points.

The same principle is found in the New Testament.  We see the same repetition of individual words and phrases for effect –  for example “… But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God … For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified” (Hebrews 10:11-14) or, more simply: “… Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty …” (Revelation 4:8).

But repetition of ideas was also used in the Old and New Testaments as well as the repetition of words. We often find Jesus himself employing this more subtle form of repetition in order to stress important points in his teaching.   For example, in his Sermon on the Mount we find that he gives numerous pairs of examples with only slight variation.  He uses salt and light to teach about the responsibilities of the disciple (Mathew 5:13-14); he speaks of food and clothing as things that we should not be worried about (Matthew 6:25-31); he mentions both birds and lilies to show God’s care (Matthew 6:26-30); and he also uses dogs and pigs as examples of animals to which we would not give things of great value (Matthew 7:6).

This kind of reiteration in the teaching of Jesus was not accidental or unplanned. Both biblical and rabbinic tradition used the repetition of ideas to teach, and Jesus utilized the principle carefully in some of his most important messages.

So if we realize we are “seeing double” in our study of the Scriptures, we need to take special notice – seeing double in the Bible often means that what is being said is doubly important!

Being Encouraged by Our Discouragement

Being Encouraged by Our Discouragement

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Ironic as it might seem, the further we progress along the Way to which we are called as Christians, the more it seems we see the failings and errors  of our own nature.   That can be discouraging at times, but when it happens we need to remember something. 

The Bible gives us two stories that speak to this situation, though we might not realize it unless we give the matter some thought. The first story, in the Old Testament, relates to a vision of the prophet Isaiah:

“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple… “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty” (Isaiah 6:1, 5).

Isaiah’s very clear reaction on seeing God in this vision was one of understanding his own spiritual inadequacy and “uncleanness.”   Now compare this story with another in the New Testament  – how Jesus revealed his divine power to Peter and the men fishing with him:

“One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret … he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”….   When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break …. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”  (Luke 5:1-8).

Although these two stories may seem very different on the surface, Peter’s reaction to seeing even a small glimpse of Jesus’ divinity was not unlike the effect of the vision of Isaiah – it was a realization of his own unworthiness and sinful nature.   Admittedly, these events occurred at the beginning of the careers of the two servants of God, but the principle remains the same – the more we come to understand of God, the more we are conscious of our own failings. 

It was many years after the conversion of the apostle Paul that he wrote: “What a wretched man I am!” (Romans 7:24), and “… I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle…” (1 Corinthians 15:9). Yet Paul continued this same thought to the Corinthian Christians: “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect” (vs. 10).  Despite his painful awareness of his own failings – after many years  of God working with him – Paul could still say near the end of his life: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7).  Both statements were true! Just like the rest of us, Paul doubtless realized his own spiritual failings all the more as the years progressed, yet he knew that God was changing him and completing a purpose in his life.  

To use a simple analogy, before conversion we live in spiritual darkness – like living in a dark room – and cannot see any of the “stains” and “black marks” of sin that cover us.  As we are converted and move  toward the “light” (remember, God is spiritual light), the more we begin to see those black marks on ourselves – and the brighter the light becomes, the more we see even the smallest stains.

It is a  simple truth of the Christian life that the more we grow and come to see God, the less we like what we see of ourselves. Yet this can be encouraging – looked at the other way around, the less we like what we see of ourselves the more we are probably seeing of God and moving closer to him! 

This is not the same as living our lives in a despondent spiritual attitude that focuses on how unworthy we are.  It is just an honest realization of our own spiritual inadequacy and a heightened awareness of ways in which we do fail – sometimes in small things that we would never have noticed earlier in our Christian lives. 
 
Perhaps we can say that our occasional discouragement with our own failings can be turned around.  The more we see the failings of our own nature, the more we can be encouraged that we are doubtless moving closer to God who is enabling us to see those things.  We can rejoice that just as we see ourselves more clearly as we move closer to God, he can continue the process of helping us to see him and making us more like him.