Self-esteem is a “hot item” these days.  For several decades we have been told that a strong concept of self-worth is absolutely vital for mental health and wellbeing.  As a result, most Western educational systems now focus on the early development of self-esteem above many, if not most, other goals. 

Unfortunately, the unmodified stress on self-esteem from early childhood onward all too often leads to a false sense of accomplishment. As psychotherapist Jennifer Coon-Wallman has written, the purpose of many school programs is simply “to dole out huge heapings of praise, regardless of actual accomplishment.”

Worse yet, in recent years it has become clear that an unbalanced sense of self-esteem invariably leads to the development of self-centeredness and to social problems that result from that flawed view of the world.  As a New York Times article pointed out as far back as 2002:  “Last year alone there were three withering studies of self-esteem released in the United States, all of which had the same central message: people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem, and feeling bad about yourself is not the cause of our country’s biggest, most expensive social problems.”

It is not that a concept of self-worth is somehow bad, but that self-esteem by itself is not good.  We must be able to balance that concept in order to properly see ourselves in perspective, to properly relate with others, and for society to function properly. 

Interestingly, we see this necessary balance in the Biblical story of the first humans.   The first chapter in the Bible’s first book, Genesis, tells us: “ … God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them” (Genesis 1:26), and this should give us all the fuel we may need for the development of a healthy self-concept.  If we believe what this verse plainly says, we can all rest assured that we are of great worth by virtue of our very nature and that we do not need some kind of fake praise to create an artificial and skewed self-esteem.

On the other hand, the very next chapter of Genesis tells us, with equal clarity: “… dust you are and to dust you will return” (Genesis 2:19).  If knowing that we are the work of the very Creator of the universe is ever a temptation to pride and inordinate self-esteem, this verse quickly puts things in perspective. Knowing that at our very best we are still merely dust that comes and goes like a transient vapor (Psalm 39:5) should prevent us from taking too high a view of ourselves.

In that sense, the story of the creation of humans as recorded in Genesis carries with it a built-in and balanced self-worth prescription that both elevates and restrains our concept of ourselves at the same time.  According to the Bible, both statements – that we are as gods (John 10:34) and that we are as nothing (Galatians 6:3) – are equally true.  Both statements are also equally necessary for individual and social well-being. 

Perhaps some of us need to focus more on one aspect of self-image than on the other, or perhaps we all need to focus on both aspects according to our current state of mind.   When we feel pretty pleased with ourselves or our achievements, it does not hurt to remember that we are still dust, but when we are afflicted by self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness it is always good to remember that we are children of God created for his purposes. 

Simplistic as it may sound, it’s a dual prescription that can prevent arrogance and pride on the one hand and discouragement and depression on the other.  It’s a balanced prescription for the attitude we all need if we are to gain and maintain the kind of self-identity God intends us to have. 

If we were asked “Who was the most patient man in the Bible?” many of us might answer “Job,” as the Scriptures specifically refer to the patience of the afflicted patriarch as being widely known  (James 5:11).  But this verse does not say that Job was the most patient individual, and his patience, although incredible, apparently had to do with short-term problems that were intense, rather than ones that lasted for years.

To recognize who was probably the most patient individual recorded in the Scriptures we need to look at the life of Moses and to carefully piece together the information the Bible gives us about that leader.

The book of Acts states that Moses was forty years old when he killed the slave abuser and fled in fear from Egypt (Acts 7:22-29).  Acts also tells us that Moses then lived forty years in the wilderness before God called him: “After forty years had passed, an angel appeared to Moses in the flames of a burning bush in the desert near Mount Sinai” (Acts 7:30).

The book of Exodus confirms these figures when it tells us Moses’ age when he first spoke to Pharaoh: “Moses was 80 years old and Aaron 83 when they spoke to Pharaoh…” (Exodus 7:7).   As we know, after Pharaoh finally released the Israelites, Israel spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness (Number 32:13).  Finally Deuteronomy tells us that at the end of that time Moses died at age 120 on the edge of the Promised Land (Deuteronomy 34:7). 

So, Moses spent forty long years hiding out in the wilderness before God called him.  God could certainly have worked it out for Moses to have been acquitted or exonerated in Egypt so that he could have stayed home until it was time to lead the Israelites out of that land, but God didn’t do that. He let Moses flee and let him live miles from anywhere for four decades. Could it be that Moses was given the opportunity to learn patience in those long, slow desert years?  Moses then spent forty years leading the Israelites through more desert and doubtless more slow years – during which Moses’ patience was tried endlessly. 

The Israelites in Moses’ care complained continually with an almost ceaseless refrain of “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness?” (Numbers 21:5, etc.).  On a number of occasions they are said to have grumbled against Moses directly – blaming him for their self-caused problems.  Yet throughout all this provocation Moses was almost unfailingly patient with them, often pleading with God on their behalf and asking God, in effect, to be patient with them.  We see this especially on the occasion when God threatened that he would wipe out the Israelites for their sinfulness and make a new nation through Moses (Exodus 32:9-10).  Moses exhibited incredible patience throughout those years of problems.  

Certainly Moses may have became impatient at times – his striking the rock twice at Meribah (Numbers 20:8-11) may have been the result of a moment of impatience when water did not appear immediately.  This event led to Moses being denied entry into the Promised Land (Numbers 20:12), but in this we see that God was holding him to an exceptionally high standard – perhaps because patience was the quality needed  above all else in the job God had called Moses to do.

At the end of Moses’ life, after waiting forty years to see the Promised Land, Moses displayed patience again in humbly accepting God’s decision that he would not, at that time, enter the land for which he had worked and waited so patiently.

Many of the characters whose stories are told in the Old Testament displayed patience, yet perhaps none more so than Moses. It is interesting that the book of Ecclesiastes contrasts patience with pride (Ecclesiastes 7:8) –  because we are told that Moses was: “ .. a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3).

Moses seems to have learned patience over forty years to then do a supremely patience-requiring job for a further forty years.  In that regard, Moses truly learned to act like God – who was patient with Israel that whole time, too.  And there is a lesson in this aspect of Moses’ life for all of us.  Just as Moses doubtless did not realize he was being prepared to be patient, so we may not realize that some of the things that we feel impatient about may be being used to prepare us also.  That can be a very encouraging thought. 

If you have read the biblical book of Ruth, you probably think you know it well. But whether you have read it once or many times, we think you will find a lot more in this beautiful story with the help of our short new e-book.

Many people think of the book of Ruth as a simple love story, but in reality it is far from simple, and it is not really a “love story” in the modern sense of “romantic love” either! Instead, Ruth is a story of deep courage, strength, loyalty, determination, and kindness with an underlying message that reaches from the ancient world to our lives today.

You can download a free copy of our latest e-book in your choice of three formats (PDF, Kindle, and Nook (E-Pub) to read on your computer or e-book reader.  There is no registration necessary and you do not need to give an email address – just click on the file type you want to download!  Download RUTH from the e-book page on our sister site, here. ​

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We might not often think of it this way, but honesty has two sides – an “outside” and an “inside.” Honesty isn’t just about what we tell others, it is also about what we tell ourselves. In other words, full honesty is not only speaking the truth to others, but also speaking the truth to oneself.

Psychologists know that these are separate activities. We can deceive others while not deceiving ourselves in some situations, but we can also deceive ourselves (while not always deceiving others) at other times. The Bible contains many verses based on this truth.  We tend to notice and remember those scriptures which speak about telling the truth on the “outside” –  as when the apostle Paul wrote: “… each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor …” (Ephesians 4:25), but we may not always notice the distinction when scriptures talk about telling the truth on the “inside.”

Consider an example from the Old Testament.  In Psalm 15 David asks the question, “Who can dwell with God?” and begins his answer by saying: “He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart” (Psalm 15:2, emphasis added here and throughout).  Although the New International Version translates the final part of this verse as “who speaks the truth from their heart,” the preposition used in the Hebrew Bible means “in,” and this translation is followed by almost all other modern versions (ESV, NKJV, HCSB, NASB, NET, ISV, etc.).  The International Standard Version translates this verse with particular clarity: “The one who lives with integrity, who does righteous deeds, and who speaks truth to himself.”

This need to speak truth on the inside is the underlying meaning behind many other scriptures in the Old Testament, such as Psalm 51:6: “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being …” and Proverbs 23:7: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” (NKJV). But how do we speak honestly to ourselves, or perhaps more precisely, how do we not speak dishonestly on the inside?  Here are four points we should keep in mind:

1) Know yourself.  We may know it intellectually, but we must continually remind ourselves that the Bible clearly teaches that the mind and its underlying human nature is not intrinsically good (Jeremiah 17:9, etc.).   Our first reactions are so often wrong ones, and then our minds may take over to justify them.  Speaking truth within ourselves begins with understanding ourselves (Lamentations 3:40, Psalm 19:12).

2) Don’t avoid inner conversations you need to have. We have all heard the words “I don’t want to talk about it” or “I don’t want to think about it,” but speaking truth to ourselves often means not allowing ourselves to avoid the inner working-through we need to do regarding problems we do not want to face. As Christians we know that God often directs our “conscience” through his Spirit (John 16:13), but we cannot speak truth to ourselves or follow the Spirit’s guidance if we are avoiding truthful “conversations” that should occur.

3) Don’t allow divisions between what you say outwardly and inwardly.  Whenever we find we are thinking something different from what we are saying out loud, we need to stop and assess the situation carefully. Most of us are deceiving ourselves in small ways every day, and we can only overcome this pattern through constant vigilance.  Divisions between what we say and think – outside and inside honesty –  create psychological dissonance and put us in the position of being what the Bible calls a “double minded” person (James 1:8; 4:8).

4) Police your personal narrative. We have to separate ourselves from the narrative we construct about why we do what we do if we are to speak to ourselves truthfully and be able to grow and overcome our own nature. This involves not only being conscious of what we’re doing, but also asking ourselves why we’re doing it. Most of us have internalized a number of rationalizations about various aspects of our behavior, but anytime we find ourselves feeling that we are too old, too busy, too sick, too poor, too tired, or anything else that stops us doing what we know we should do, we need to “pull over” our own attitude and examine our own excuses. Likewise, whenever we do what is not right because we feel we owe it to ourselves, others are doing it, it’s only a small sin, we are just weak, or whatever, we need to police ourselves also.  Perhaps the greatest part of spiritual growth involves assessing, and if necessary rejecting, our own rationalizations.

Ultimately, learning to speak the truth to ourselves is a never-ceasing process that underlies spiritual growth itself.  Being honest with ourselves is a daily, hourly, and even minute-by-minute endeavor, but don’t let that fact ever discourage you –  it just means that being honest with ourselves reaps constant, ongoing benefits and rewards.

​Strange as it may sound, every Christian is called to a love-hate relationship with the practice of secrecy. On the one hand we are told to love secrecy (Matthew 6:4, etc.), but on the other hand we are instructed to avoid it (Job 13:10, etc.).  How should we understand this seemingly contradictory situation?

The answer, of course, is one of context. Both in terms of our beliefs and our behavior, secrecy may be good in some situations, but not in others. We should not hide what should not be kept secret and we should not expose what should be kept secret.  Consider some of the ramifications of these principles.

We should not hide what should not be kept secret.

It is certainly wrong to keep things secret that should be out in the open. The principle can apply in various ways regarding both our beliefs and behavior.  The New Testament talks about a number of individuals who kept their faith secret – like Nicodemus who visited Jesus under the cover of darkness (John 3:1–21) and Joseph of Arimathea who secretly met with Pilate to request Jesus’ burial because of his fear of the Jewish religious leaders (John 19:38).  There may certainly be a time for care in dangerous situations, but John, who relates these stories, tells us Jesus reminded Nicodemus that keeping our beliefs secret lessens our ability to be a witness to God’s transforming power: “Whosoever lives by truth comes into the light so that it may be seen plainly what has been done through God” (John 3:21).

But the main danger of wrongful secrecy, of course, is when we keep problems or sins secret in our lives that must be brought to light if we are to do away with them.  In Ephesians 5:12 the apostle Paul tells us: “It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.” We are called to a life without this kind of secrecy.  As Paul states elsewhere, “Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways” (2 Corinthians 4:2).  Naturally, nothing is hidden from God (Jeremiah 23:24), and Paul reminds us that this applies to anything we attempt to keep secret: “… God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ” (Romans 2:16).

But this fact does not just apply to sexual immorality or sinfulness. For example, although we may not think of it this way, the principle applies to gossip. The Book of Psalms tells us specifically: “Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence…” (Psalm 101:5).  In other areas, we should not “hide” the good that others do in the sense of not giving credit where it is due, nor should we hide wrongdoing we are aware of that needs the involvement of society (1 Peter 2:14). 

To summarize this side of secrecy, we can say that in terms of belief, in most circumstances we should not keep our faith a secret; in terms of behavior, we should not keep wrongdoing that needs to be corrected a secret – or the right doing of others who should be commended, either.   
 
We should not expose what should be kept secret.

On the other hand, the opposite side of secrecy must be applied in many situations.   In terms of belief, there are times and circumstances when it may be better to hold back details of our knowledge of the truth.  For example, proclaiming to strangers that they are “sinning” is not an activity to which we are called. That is really the opposite of the attitude the apostle Peter showed we should have when he wrote: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).

As for our own behavior, we all need to learn to keep secret good works that might otherwise be done  only for appearances.   The teaching of Jesus was clear on this matter: “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them … so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:1-4).  Jesus also applied the same principle to prayer: “… when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:6).  This does not mean, of course, that we keep it a secret that we pray, only that we keep our personal prayer private so that, again, it is not done for the wrong reasons.

Finally, there are times when the apparent faults and failings of others should not be openly discussed.  The principle that “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8 and see Matthew 18:15-17) sometimes has an interpersonal application regarding other people’s mistakes or perceived sins.  We need only look at the example of Joseph who, when he did not yet realize that Mary was pregnant by the Holy Spirit, was still careful not to shame her:  “Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly” (Matthew 1:19).

So there certainly are two very different sides to the matter of secrecy –  and the Christian is called to live according to that understanding.