The men and women who constitute our first responders – the police, fire, paramedics and other public servants –  selflessly accomplish an untold amount of good for which we all can be grateful. The majority of those first responders have answered a call in which they put others before themselves and they are often the most trustworthy people we can find.

But this blog post is not about our societies’ first responders, but our personal “first responses.”  It is a fact of human psychology that our first responses in many situations are often anything but trustworthy. Think about this for a moment. If someone were to suddenly insult you, throw a rock at you, or to kick your new car, what would your first response be –  to immediately retaliate verbally or in some other way?  For most of us the answer is probably yes – whether we would eventually calm down and restrain ourselves or not.  Perhaps there are a few people whose first responses to negative or provocative stimuli are always calm and rational, but I have not personally had the honor of meeting any of them.

What I do know, and what you probably have found as well, is that in all too many situations in life, no matter what our level of sincerity or dedication to our beliefs, our first responses are often not our best responses. People often talk about “trusting our first instincts,” but like it or not, our first reactions to problematic situations and stimuli are usually those hardwired into our human nature and almost always wrong.  Anger, denial, justification of our behavior, shifting of blame, and countless other negative first responses are the stock-in-trade of human psychology.

So whenever the potential for a problem occurs or some kind of interpersonal difficulty actually arises, we do need to focus on our responses and not just let them happen.  There are several things we can do in this regard.  Consider the right responses involved in a physical emergency situation. First response organizations advocate three essential steps at such times:  (A)ssess the situation, (C)all for help, (T)alk to people who have been affected, calm them, and address their needs.  These three “A.C.T.” steps can be utilized spiritually in our interpersonal relations just as much as they can be used in physical situations –  a fact we see frequently in the wisdom found in the Bible’s book of Proverbs.

(A)ssess the situation: Our first responses are often the wrong ones because we follow human impulses without considering their outcome.  Many statements found in Proverbs urge us to avoid that.  For example, “the one who acts hastily sins”  (Proverbs 19:2 Holman) refers to the need to assess situations carefully before acting, and “do not answer a fool … answer a fool” (Proverbs 26:4-5) likewise counsels us to remember that different responses are needed in different situations. We must assess first, but once it is clear that we have a problem, we should move to the next step.

(C)all for help:  First responders urge people to call 911 or their local emergency number to get help as soon as they see what the problem is and confirm the seriousness of its nature.  When it comes to getting our spiritual responses right, as soon as we realize we have a problem, prayer should likewise be our first call. Proverbs assures us that “The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous” (Proverbs 15:29), and this especially applies in any spiritual emergency situation where we need help to respond in the way we should. God is the ultimate first responder and as Christians we should make it a habit to seek his help in quick silent prayer, whenever possible  before our interpersonal problems escalate.

(T)alk to people who have been affected, calm them, and address their needs: This emergency situation technique can certainly be utilized when we are faced with difficult interpersonal situations. Being aware of the natural prevalence of wrong first reactions in our own lives can help us to be mindful of the need to help others through their own first reactions.  We do this by first working to calm them rather than reacting in such a way as to make the situation worse.  Proverbs makes this point very clearly: “A gentle response diverts anger, but a harsh statement incites fury. The wise speak, presenting knowledge appropriately…” (Proverbs 15:1 ISV).  Just as a first responder will work to help with people’s needs in a physical emergency, we can also focus on the needs of the other person with whom a problem has developed rather than concentrating on our own hurts and  perceived needs.
  
These may all be basic approaches to working with situations such as arguments, accidents, misunderstandings, and other problems that may occur in our lives, but their simplicity makes them all the more effective if we can learn to utilize them.  First responders urge us to “A.C.T.” when physical problems occur that are of an emergency nature.  In the sphere of everyday interpersonal problems, remembering the  acronym “A.C.T” can also help us –  before our problem circumstances get to the level of a spiritual emergency!

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9 ESV).
 
The Scriptures have much to say about times we become upset or angry, but this verse in the Book of Ecclesiastes summarizes much of the Bible’s wisdom on the subject. It’s a verse most of us know well, but one we often fail to understand or appreciate as fully as we might. We tend to remember the admonition as simply one of not becoming angry quickly, and that’s certainly part of what it is telling us.

But we should also notice the second half of the statement – that anger “lodges” or resides in the heart of fools. We all become upset and angry at times, but this does not mean we are all “fools” –  the point Ecclesiastes is making is that we are only fools if we allow the anger to “lodge” or stay within our hearts. The verse is actually contrasting two things that are both wrong – quickness to become upset and slowness or failure to release the anger.
These are, in effect, the two sides of the “coin” of anger, but while we might give a lot of thought and effort to not becoming angry, we don’t always drop the emotion as quickly as we should.  Humanly, once someone upsets us over something and anger takes hold within us, we tend to begin to justify it –  and the longer we let it “reside” in us, the more difficult it becomes to shake the emotion out.

Despite our best efforts, the truth is we cannot simply “bury” our feelings of anger or resentment. We can try, but feelings that are “buried alive” never really die.   Left within us, they take hold and begin to poison our attitudes and relationships.  Remaining upset at others usually ends up hurting them in some way, and always ends up hurting us.  The Bible contains many examples of this –  beginning with Cain who was upset with his brother (Genesis 4:5, 8) through Saul who was upset with David (1 Samuel 19:9) to Nabal (whose name, not coincidentally, means “fool”) who seems to have become upset with many people and his  wife in particular (1 Samuel 25:2-38).  In all these cases and many others, we see a pattern of individuals becoming upset in a way that led to their permanent downfall.

So it is not surprising that the Scriptures contain many commands and admonitions urging us not to allow ourselves to continue to be upset with someone.  It’s a command made in the Old Testament and reiterated in the New. The Book of Leviticus ties the command directly to the principle of love: “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself…”(Leviticus 19:18). We cannot love someone if we allow ourselves to remain upset with them. From a biblical perspective, remaining upset is sin.  That is why the apostle Paul wrote “In your anger do not sin” before stressing “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26). People sometimes joke that not allowing the sun to go down on our anger allows individuals living at the North Pole a full six months to remain angry, but Paul’s point is clear, and it would be foolish to ignore it.
 
The Bible acknowledges that we may become angry – sometimes for very legitimate reasons –  but it continually stresses that we should never hold on to that anger, and that if we do, it inevitably leads to a spirit of unforgiveness that hurts us as much as others. That is also why we find the principle in Ecclesiastes 7:9 with which we began this post repeatedly echoed elsewhere in the Bible – as in the Book of Proverbs where we read: “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11 ESV). Here, we see the two necessary sides of our response to anger –  we must be slow to anger, but also quick to drop it.  Failing to follow the second of these biblical principles is as dangerous as ignoring the first. If we do not want our upset to become our downfall, we must always put anger away quickly. 

* For more on anger management, see our post “When Your Fuse Burns Down” here.   

​Every year countless people make “New Year’s resolutions” – setting goals ranging from cleaning out closets to getting more exercise.  Many people make resolutions regarding character issues, too –  resolving to stop doing things they wish to stop, or to do better at things they want to do.

Many Christians also make resolutions, of course, and like other people they find varying degrees of success in reaching the goals for which they aim.  But some think that making resolutions is not a biblically sound idea for Christians as they feel God has already given us his “resolutions” in the form of biblical admonitions and commands and we should just concentrate on trying to follow them.  Others feel that making resolutions encourages us to focus on our own human ability to accomplish spiritual goals.
 
But the Bible shows a number of God’s servants making resolutions –  ranging from Daniel resolving not to partake of the food and wine of the Babylonian palace (Daniel 1:8) in the Old Testament, to Paul resolving to go through Macedonia and Greece to Jerusalem (Acts 19:21) in the New Testament.

In fact, making resolutions can be an extremely important aspect of biblical living. Consider an example of this in the Book of Malachi:  “If you do not listen, and if you do not resolve to honor my name,” says the Lord Almighty, “I will send a curse on you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not resolved to honor me” (Malachi 2:2).

In cases like this the Bible shows we need to resolve to follow God’s will whenever we come to see it in a given circumstance.  Also, each and every time we make a mistake and repent of doing something we have come to see is wrong, we need to be making firm resolutions to overcome the problem in the future. This kind of resolution does not in any way lessen our understanding of our need for God’s help, and the same is true of many New Year’s resolutions that involve spiritual issues.

Now, it’s clear that the Bible does not mention resolutions in the context of a new year, but new beginnings are psychologically among the best times to make resolutions and are among the times when they are most likely to succeed.  The great Christian writer G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936) doubtless understood this when he wrote: “Unless a … man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.” Chesterton’s point is a good one –  humanly we often need the impetus of some event to resolve to do better in our lives – and the New Year provides just such an occasion with a “new beginning” to work from.

The main problem with resolutions, of course, is that so many of them do not last long enough. Humanly we so often begin with great dedication only to “lose steam” as we go along.  But as Christians that is exactly where we can ask for God’s help to continue to apply and to keep our resolutions. In fact, that is exactly what we find in the apostle Paul’s letter to the Thessalonian church: “To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power” (2 Thessalonians 1:11 ESV).

Notice that Paul prayed for the Thessalonians that God would help them fulfill every “resolve” or resolution for good. It’s a prayer we can pray for ourselves as we go into this coming year – and one that we can pray for each other, too.